April 21^st 1998.

Driving. Signs and slogans scream at me from the dark desperate for a sale, fifty percent off no deposit interest free one day only buy now pay later closing down/grand opening sale and on and on and on it goes forever. Now in fremantle. Big bright bold fremantle drunks everywhere can i borrow a dollar please, no sorry can’t help you man walking now - cold, then back at the car. Driving now again for five minutes now stopping again at a tall block of flats so dull and lifeless i feel like crying - why don’t they paint these things bright colours like lime green or yellow or something no wonder so many people kill themselves in these kind of places. Climbing the steps now turning back after just a few steps, we’ll take the lift; it’s a long way to the top if you want to rock and roll or so they say, bright bright elevator mirrored too see myself campbell and peter glowing like the angels we are. Up up and away we go now we reach the top, why are we here again, it’s your dad's apartment? O but your cousin lives here... and he’s got weed?

yeah, go ahead knock, he’ll be awake, it’s not that late i don’t think anyway - see, he’s awake, how are you dude, cool cool yeah thanks, can we come in? Three guitars lying around we talk for awhile about the doors - you had that "no one here gets out alive" print on the wall, so how high up are we? eight floors, no shit. Anyways, peter butts in, the reason we’re here is we were wondering if you had any... no? O not for sale but you’ve got some for yourself you’ll share well alright we can stay awhile i guess.

Campbell then demands i participate, i’m cool i say, but he insists well alright then man just the one if it’ll shut you up, then coughing sputtering choking this is harsh shit man!

Later.

Oim dodger roight?
got it??
Dodger, that's me - jack dawkins, known among me more h’intimate of acquaintances as The Artful Dodger

Later still.

Any food man i’m starving cold cold chips, and salty too! too salty... no drinks? oh well i’ll have to eat them like this, choking on greasy cold salty chips eight floors up and getting nervous, well it is a long way down after all. Let’s go man it’s almost four, sure you can drive man it’s not that hard so long Clyde thanks for the chips and stuff (say hi to Bonnie i secretly add to myself and burst out loud crazy laughing) Shhh!

Driving again,
man the cops are right behind us, stop laughing you bastard!
i can’t help it, you’d better speed up man this is a 90 k zone shit they’re still behind us, turn left up here, no don’t! it’s one of those no left turn streets. Huh? they’re not behind us anymore, where’d they go? i don’t know man they just disappeared, look McDonalds! The huge cancerous neon makes resistance seem futile and irrational, now stopping stopping stopping and stopped. Yeh man you can do it just pull up and say: two big macs, three double quarter pounders, two large fries and a couple of cokes you can do it. Chips and coke thanks, no shit that’s not it, double fries and a quarter mac, no wait, shit help me out guys, stop laughing you pricks!
Finally through fits of giggles and several mumbled attempts the three of us combine to get the order out, the girl excruciatingly exhausted with the larger left than right eyebrow just smiles wearily, i know how she feels i used to have to put up with this shit all the time also before i became unemployed forever, (i’ll have a big mac thanks, this isn’t McDonalds i’d say ,O, ok then, a quarter pounder please, was the drunk’s inevitable reply). I racked my brain to come up with something nice to say to her, but the best i could manage was hurry up, please. Eating again so hot but just wolfing it down regardless, eating eating now finished. More let’s get more, what no money? Driving again, how do you do it man i’d have crashed ages ago (in fact i did crash once when i wasn’t even under the influence big black eye for two weeks, i looked so funny the right side of my face much bigger than the left) Home now, back at peter’s anyways, in a way it’s become a second home, i’m here practically every weekend, my home away from home, now quietly quiet it’s four thirty, under the garage door up the ladder open the hatch into our bed, peter asleep before i even take my shoes off (can’t open the laces) campbell just laughs and says good night, he sleeps quickly also. Lying awake i need to shit but i need to sleep also, it’s a real and frequent dilemma but in the end i feel my bowels have amassed enough strength to last through the now short night. Watching the guys eagerly sleeping i wonder how long this can last not much longer i realize. At 17 we’re already getting too old for this shit the irony that is human life is revealed to me in a depressing clear flash of insight. Everyday you get a little bit older and a little bit slower.

Awoke still slightly-acided, you know the feeling not enough sleep to purge the system, sights and sounds are a bit blurry and at first there is that weirdly weird feeling a combination of deja vù and disorientation, sort of like O my head hurts again, where the fuck did i wind up this time. After a minute i roll over (beethoven) lift the hatch climb down the ladder into the house through the sliding side door along the hall, a right turn into the laundry and then i’m suddenly on the toilet. After i finish my business wipe up and flush the evidence, i stumble along the hall to the bathroom and lock the door. Stare at my reflection, and i yearn for a shave my neck is so itchy (must’ve been bitten by something last night) but it would be impolite to use peter’s stuff as well as potentially unhealthy. Drank that chalk, or maybe flour, tasting bathroom water before my sand or dust-dry throat dried up completely. Back in the garage up the ladder into the loft, the two others still sleeping noisily, i watch for an unknown while, quite interesting how we look when we’re asleep so pure and unposed or practiced, O to write like we sleep! The ultimate expression. I put on a tape (sodastream of course) and fall back to dreamless sleep.