I take the long way to avoid Jepatio Street
Where we had the terrible accident with our grey dog
That April she crashed through the window
And went flying, bloody and mangled
In slow motion.

I can't recall any words between us.
There must have been something, don't you agree?

We pulled the car over at A.J.'s Restaurant
And ran to our dying love.
We should have put her to sleep, my friend,
Had we any dignity.
God will punish us
For dragging her around,
Making waiters set plates for her,
Having Walter pour her a Guinness at McGuire's in Destin.

Her slow death pulled knots inside us.
It was just so hard to let go.
Sometimes I remember
Toting her severed leg around on ice,
That hopeful look in her cobalt irises
That she might live to love another week,
That we might snap our magic fingers
And erase that bump in the road.

I admit, I may have sold your secrets to the Russians
And showed that photo of you with your dick
Sticking out of your flight suit
At parties,
Downloaded all your emails the day before I left,
Let a friend give you the nick-name, "Shit-for-Brains",
Deep-throated seven guys before you,
And maybe once, charged you for sex.

But if you'll come back,
I'll forget how you told me at dinner
The sweet, funny things Girlfriend-on-the-Side
Said that day,
How you barked you couldn't wait to be rid of me
Right before you ate my pussy in the parking lot
Of Indian Lake Bistro.
Come back, I'll make them call you S.F.B. for short,
I'll take that picture off the internet
And remove what's left of your voodoo doll
From the fish tank.
I'll forgive the V.D. and the false identity and even the lice.

Maybe I'll make you another cake
And rub your feet just right
And deep-throat you, 'cause
Baby, I never did that for anybody else.

Burn the photographs, erase the music, rip up the cards,
Dismantle the valentine collage,
Change the sheets, fill the empty drawers, replace the locks,
Scatter my poems along the docks.
Remove my hand from your cheek in dreams.
Who has the right to touch you like that?

Scour the house with bleach until the scent is gone
Of my naked flesh wet for hours against yours,
Prowl the bars for a willing partner
Who will stay the night but never ask your name.
Who has the right to speak to you like that?

Ride your Harley without a helmet down Jepatio Street.
Remember when it was the road home?
Who is living now in our old house?
Bomb it from your invisible plane.
Who has the right to walk where we have walked?

Replace me with a cheap imitation.
Pluck out her eyes if they see through your heart.
Who has the nerve to look at you like that?

I am two streets away, but may never be found.
Hire a detective, release the hounds.
Give me the code and watch it burn.
How could I ever return?
Do you still have the light to touch me like that?

Does a world exist
Where you will not find me again
When we are both cats
Or bats, or yaks?
Who has the light to love like that?

Your street is on the way to our house.
If he is not speaking, I close my eyes
And pretend I'm coming home.

Sometimes in the moon glow of beach walks
I hold this other hand
And remember the taste and smell of you
In our winterset bed
And once, maybe twice in the street.
I look into these sienna irises
And see your steel blue flecks inside
And when he spreads me open
And kisses me
I remember the last time you did that
You couldn't make me come
And how he does it every single time
And the look on his face if he knew
It's only because I think of you.

In that world
That is the cobalt of your irises,
The temperature of your secret tears
In our old winterset bed,
The grey of the silence that blossomed between us
When you were careening Area 51
And I was on the sea with my old love,
Our street still stands,
Though our house has fallen away.

Every month is December,
The smell of bomber jacket leather,
Douglas fir trees dressed in
Christmas hollyhock,
Crisp, cotton whiff of our sheets whipping down,
Our saliva and sweat mingled
Before the poison trick of April
Skipping through, all honeysuckle and tiger lily,
Razor in its fist
For a butter-fingered amputation,
Oh, the terrified angels
Still assigned to watch over us both.

Sometimes I wake and I know you are stirring too
And I think of the strength of your arms,
The intoxicant of your kiss,
The perfection of our fingers intertwined,
The day you asked,
"How did I get so lucky to have you share
My life and my bed?"
And I said, "Angels watching over us both."

Don't think I don't know
When I think of you like this,
A light passes through you,
You feel my hand again on your cheek,
My heart beating against your heart
Through the blur of alcohol and anonymous fucks,
You reach for my beautiful ghost.